Old? Or just a dolt?

You decide.....I was walking through the living room, one eye on the floor and one eye on the tv screen. All of a sudden... my foot mysteriously caught on the coffee table leg, and I felt myself falling. I KNEW I was falling into the heavy table, and THAT scared the hell out of me, so I turned my body and THEN......proceeded to hurl forward at an amazing speed for an older broad. While trying desparately to stop the fall and forward momentum, I must have looked liked a flailing cow.. Thank God, no one was behind me with a camera. I fell with a thud on my knees and lay there in extreme pain. When after a seemingly long time...I was able to limp out to the kitchen for ice moaning and groaning all the way....you know us Beaumonts......
Now your probably wondering , Where the hell is Irv during all this? He HAD called out to me while I lay writhing on the floor. He had gone to bed earlier. He asked if I needed help.... EXCUSE ME? HELP? I needed a hand up and a hug!!!! He did fnally get up and came out to ask again, but by then I was on the couch, and madder then hell... I said NO!!!!! GO AWAY! hahahahaha...big baby that I am....Come to find out, he never heard the fall at all. He,d been asleep at the wheel. He only heard my moans and groans and thought I had a leg cramp....I DO get those, and DO make noise....Oh well, all is forgivin and my knee is black and blue but not painful anymore, so guess Ill survive it all. Funny thing tho, I went to the store yesterday, and on the window was a sign that read...Are you afraid of falling? Classes at the firehouse, blah blah blah.......Yikes!!!!